14 players. One chat. A decade of receipts.

Best gross scorer in group history. Three-time champion, a group record. Went from never having played to scratch-adjacent in 18 months. Has never won an Atlanta Classic despite 3 titles elsewhere. Plays in airpods-in, don't-talk-to-me tournament mode.

Sporadic player with scratch-adjacent gear when he appears. Debut tournament featured a hole-in-one on number 15 at Melreese. Not related to Scottie Walker despite the shared surname. Coined the dictionary term Taxi.

TJ's first major recruit, backup Commissioner, two-time tournament champion, and the inaugural BMG Cup champion in 2025 with 2,945 season points. Indian and Jamaican heritage, Jamaican accent, lefty, Tesla driver, aviation mechanic. Scouts courses with satellite imagery pre-round. Carpool partner with Mike Osouna.

Atlanta specialist, two-time Classic champion, both wins in Atlanta (2022 and 2024). 2022 win was a group record 14-stroke margin. Grew up playing high school golf in the Appalachian foothills of northwest Georgia. Moved to Houston in 2025, only out-of-towner for 2026 Atlanta. Frenemy dynamic with Zair. Primary target of Tankgate.

Commissioner and operational spine. Two-time champion. Joined February 2019 via TJ from a rival group, the Kevin Durant to the Warriors moment. Runs every booking, trophy, dues call, handicap calculation, and AirBnB. Writes the pre-tournament sports-column writeups.

Lawyer, 6'6 plus, tallest member, one-time champion (2022 Boca). Playing the best golf of his career. On-course nemesis chemistry with Dave. Hospital-level dehydration DNF in a previous tournament. Now explicitly avoiding side bets. Runner-up at April 2026 Myrtle Beach, trending up.

Co-founder, defending 2025 Classic champion at plus 18, group record for worst winning score in a war of attrition. Origin of the McDonald's joke and Need More Truffles. Persistent reputation for questionable score accuracy and always finding his ball in the woods.

Co-founder, soul of the group, one-time champion (2020 Port Charlotte at plus 6). Recruited Zair, Shawn, and Bryan. No long game to speak of. Scrambles his way to a decent score round after round and still finds a way to stay in the mix. One of the bigger trash talkers in the chat and produces a lot of the group's content. Coined the phrase Putting is not a problem. Author of the pre-tournament morning devotions that have become a Classic-week tradition. Known for threatening practice and rarely delivering.

Joined through Dipset in January 2017. Two-time champion: 2019 Boca at minus 13 and 2022 Jacaranda Open playoff-hole win over Travis, the group's first ever tournament playoff. Recruited Travis into the group, the biggest recruit of his career. Known to the group as a waste man despite being one of the most decorated title-holders on the ledger. Almost always late to tee time and will never arrive without a Dunkin' Donuts cup in his hand. Frenemy with Dipset, rival to many, and capable of breaking out into floor-laughter at anyone in the group the second they duff a shot. Jamaican culture hype man, Miami Heat superfan, chronic dues latecomer. Namesake of BTD (Better Than Dave), the group's scoring benchmark unit.

Formally voted in March 18, 2024. In his 50s, Coca-Cola bottling upper management, Corvette driver, Miami Heat season ticket holder, NBA connections (Penny Hardaway, Eddie House), casino and poker regular. Long-ball hitter with chipping yips. 4th place in his 2025 Atlanta debut. Friendly rivalry with TJ.

Zair's neighbor and carpool partner, a second-generation TJ-line recruit. Soca music enthusiast with Zair. Dad with daughter's swim meet Saturday conflicts. Joined at a suspiciously low 13 handicap, now at 19.0 (group believes Tankgate was suspected and adjusted under badmind pressure). 2025 Atlanta debut was 9 of 10 stuck with Dave in the whites group, which kicked off the friendly rivalry with Dave that still runs through the chat today.

Founding-era member brought in by Jermaine. Recruited Dave, Lamar, Scottie, and his cousin Chase. One of the angriest golfers in the group when the round is sideways, and one of the strongest in the field once he locks in. Two heartbreaking 63-hole lead collapses (2023 Heritage Landing, 2024 Atlanta). Trophyless through 17 tournaments. Currently on a health and recovery journey. The group's emotional anchor for 2026: just being able to play four rounds is trophy worthy.

Newest member (late 2025), only one in his 20s, fitness professional. Cousin of Dipset, which is how he got the invite into the group. Exceptional athlete, golf game has not yet caught up. 2026 Atlanta is his debut tournament. Zero badmind volume in chat so far, clean rookie status.

Group photographer when injured, highest handicap at 24.7 (improved from 31.0 in one year). Coined Quad after his on-course proclamation following quadruple bogeys. Led 54 holes of 2025 Atlanta Classic before a quad on 72 lost it by three strokes. Most distinctive media-sharer in the chat. Prefers quiet on course, long-running group-level debate.